If Only It Were Easy

“You have the brain of a worker and the heart of a dreamer”

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Some people know exactly what they want out of life. They know where they’re going, where they want to be and how they’re going to get there. If you’d have asked me two years ago, I’d have told you I want to work for a national newspaper. But now, my future doesn’t seem as certain. I’m two years into my degree and feel like my brain is whirling with confusion and stress over next year.

I have learnt that I don’t enjoy writing news as I find it very restrictive because I like to be a little bit more creative with my writing. Writing news stories is not my thing, I’m not particularly good at it and I hate feeling like I have to be short, snappy and straight to the point. So the question I have asked myself over and over again is: what career do I want to have?

Simple answer is: I don’t know for certain.

I know I want to write and I know I want to help or educate people in some way. Teaching A-Level English is an option for me, but I don’t know if I want to do it every working day for the rest of my life. I want to do something different. I love English. I love language. I love being able to give interpretations. With English, there are no limits. As my A-Level English Literature teacher told me – there are no wrong answers.

I have really enjoyed tutoring English A-Level in my past year at university and I will continue to do it. I just don’t know if it’s what I want for sure.

It’s funny really, having to decide your own career. Some people are risk takers I guess and just jump into something hoping for the best. The problem is, that’s not me. I’m an organiser, I like to know things in advance and do a lot of planning so you can imagine how I felt when I first realised I don’t know where I’m headed. I’m not going to lie; I feel a little bit lost.

As a friend once said to me, I have the brain of a worker and the heart of a dreamer. My mind and my heart are not in sync just yet. It’s all very overwhelming and frustrating. When you think about it, April isn’t that far away and I’ll have to start working out where I am going. In fact, it’ll have to be a lot sooner than that.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that life doesn’t always go as planned and maybe this is something I cannot map out or have specific dates for. Maybe I have to take a risk or give myself time to find what I want.

If only it were easy.

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